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Fic for om_glass - LOST, Ben/Keamy, R

Sorry this fic took so long to do thanks to RL! Hope you like it, om_glass! It's a little Lovecraftian in places. :D

Title: What Might Have Been
Author: Carol Anne Caiafa
Fandom: LOST
Rating: R
Pairing: Ben/Keamy
Genre: Slash
Word Count: 563
Warnings: Implied sex, could be considered AU.
Disclaimer: Don’t own ‘em, no profit, suing is futile!
A/N: Written for om_glass in return for some lovely icons! *points proudly to the one I’m using* This didn’t quite turn out the way I planned it, but I hope you like it anyway!

Sometimes Ben wonders if the island is trying to drive him insane. The waking world grows stranger and stranger with each passing day, each passing hour, even – almost as strange as the dreams that cloud his mind when he closes his eyes and tries to blur the world for a little while. Dreams that make him wonder whether he is in fact asleep or wide awake, for they are so vivid and real. He can hear, touch, smell and taste in these reveries that claim him with a subtle force as soon as night falls, and the voices of those around him still reverberate in his ears when he finds himself stiffening, gasping and reluctantly finding his way to consciousness as the day breaks.

In these recurring dreams, the face that Ben sees most is… Keamy’s.

Martin Keamy. The man Ben loathed. The man who murdered Alex and whose life Ben took in vengeance. But now that Ben is back on the island, Keamy seems to be the only one who Ben longs for in this mad dreamland that could be heaven or hell, or both.

Why could he not have dreamed of Juliet? Or John Locke? Or… someone who made more sense…?

As he slips into slumber, Ben imagines the texture of Keamy’s jawline under his fingertips, and the pliant opening of Keamy’s lips under Ben’s own. He imagines the words they speak to one another in love, and they are demented, yet wondrous.

Oceanic waters swirl around them as they swim together, bare-bodied and erect, hands and mouths seeking each other. Teeth pierce the vulnerable skin of throat or upper arm, and in this flux it is uncertain who bites who. Tears sting Ben’s eyes and he feels a craving that is as ancient as the world itself. He is maddened by pleasure and he is, although unwillingly, in love. He wonders if he can hear undersea voices singing to him, urging him on in his dream-quest, his consummation of unhallowed yet exquisite desire.

Making land at last, the two bodies writhe and merge. Sometimes it is Ben who takes, and at other times he is the one thrust into and taken. There is often a dense, coppery taste of blood in his mouth, and blue water has imprinted itself upon his brain. When he comes, he is almost always weeping from sheer bliss.

There are other visions, too. Less erotic, but more complex.

Ben wearing glasses, seated at a table with papers all around him, calling out to Martin to stop that damn hammering, please, because he’s trying to work. He hears Martin’s laughter as the other man leaves the shelves he’s been nailing up and saunters over to kiss Ben. Martin’s lips are rough but tender, as always, and Ben hears Alex’s laughter and sees her eyes roll as she tells her fathers to keep the PDAs to a minumum, because it’s gross, they’re far too old. Ben can’t help but laugh out loud as it’s all so perfect. His husband and their daughter. Their life together, on the island or free of it. Nothing else could ever feel so right…

Until he has to awaken to a world once more where Martin and Alex are both dead, and their deaths are his fault. A world where he has to wonder again what he has left to live for.

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Comments

( 9 Blitzkrieg Boppers — I wanna be sedated )
trollwinter
Apr. 18th, 2010 08:09 pm (UTC)
That’s truly sweet and beautiful! :)

I especially loved the touch of Lovecraftian horror here and there)
sweetcarolanne
Apr. 19th, 2010 02:04 am (UTC)
Thank you - I am so glad you liked it! :)
severus69_snape
Apr. 18th, 2010 08:13 pm (UTC)
So sweet dreams))) I cry.... Т_Т
sweetcarolanne
Apr. 19th, 2010 02:04 am (UTC)
Thank you! :)
om_glass
Apr. 18th, 2010 09:15 pm (UTC)
So sweeeeet... *crying*
Thank you, darling! I like it so much:)
Whe need to write over the LOST screenplay;))
sweetcarolanne
Apr. 19th, 2010 02:05 am (UTC)
Thank you! I am so happy you liked this! :) And yes, we do need to write the LOST screenplay!
richard_alpert8
Oct. 29th, 2010 03:19 pm (UTC)
Strange fantasies... But it 'What Might Have Been'! )))
sweetcarolanne
Nov. 3rd, 2010 03:55 am (UTC)
Yes, indeed! :) Thanks for reading!
richard_alpert8
Nov. 3rd, 2010 10:50 am (UTC)
oh my gosh! This your userpic is actually hot! :^)
( 9 Blitzkrieg Boppers — I wanna be sedated )

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